dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
