i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
