You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
