she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Randomize
