I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
