he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize