just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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