Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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