i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.