Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.