I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.