Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
