My first STD was from a foam party
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
