I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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