So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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