I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
