New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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