Your tits are I can't wait for
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The Olympian is in my bed
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
