I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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