I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize