i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
