I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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