I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
