I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
