This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
