just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
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If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
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Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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