I think scott just propositioned me for sex
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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