Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
