can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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