clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Randomize
