Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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