Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
