he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
