so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
