My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
