where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
