its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
