his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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