I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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