why didn't you poke me back
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
