Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Is Oprah even human
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize