She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
