You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
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how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
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Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
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