two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
