some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
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I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
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Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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