Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
