its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
