I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
