The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
