Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
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We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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