im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
