4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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