what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
These tits shall not be calmed
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