Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
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I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
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If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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