I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
