i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
