Well douche your snatch and let's go!
farters have to be the big spoon...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
