he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
