If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
