Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
