I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
