I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
