If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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