this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
