He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
