I'm eating all of the evidence.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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