I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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