it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The uberlube is also flammable
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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