my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
