yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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