He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
